I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
