I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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