I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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