I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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