My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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