My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
