so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
