Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
