i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
