Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
