she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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