ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
