Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
