Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
