everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
