FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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