i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
