That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
