somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
