and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
