i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
