Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Life is so much better after having sex.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
