you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
