So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
