no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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