yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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