i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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