Betty ford says i'm here all night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
