i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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