Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think i have herpe
just one?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He passed out mid-signature
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
