Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
