everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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