It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
