well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
