you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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