FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
