Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
