why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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