the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
