i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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