Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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