i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
