i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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