Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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