I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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