God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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