I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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