Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
