So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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