Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
