Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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