I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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