I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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