I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
