you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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