with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
