i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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