Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
