I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
