16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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