Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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