I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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