So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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