think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
