No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
